Well Wishes From Overseas...

2 days ago, sent emails to inform close frens about my health conditions, especially those living abroad...

to my surprise, received 2 calls this morning...

Arun (Sydney)
actually he called yesterday afternoon but i was in a meeting, followed by training and i forgot to return his call... so he called again this morning to find out how i'm coping... told him i'm doing fine... chatted for a while and commented that i should visit sydney some day... to let him know and he'll do the necessary arrangements...

glad to noe that he's enjoying family life with his wife and daughter... sorri mate, didn't get to see your daughter in person before u guys moved to sydney... the last few months have been crazy in the office...

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Ju Liet (San Antonio, Texas, USA)
ju liet (not juliet) is my ex-colleague from AGO... whoa! many years back oredi... posted to usa for the last 2 years... supposed to be back by now but kenna extended by another year... hehe... hopefully it's confirmed that u'll be back next year april...

chatted for a while about life in USA, etc... had a great time joking, talking, laughing...

she commented dat she's gonna do her "grand tour" in march 2006 before flying back to SG in april... told her to keep me in the loop of her plans... if possible, i'd love to join her... and march is gonna be a nice time to visit the states... time to revisit frisco, vegas (BUT not grand canyon, gal), LA, hawaii... yoohoo!!

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thank you guys for making my day... it was indeed a pleasant surprise to hear from you... and to think that i was still contemplating on whether to pick up the calls since they were shown as "unknown" on the mobile... thrilled dat i did!!!!! thanx!!!!! u guys take care too!!

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to the rest who have emailed, SMSed, etc to lend their support, share their concern, and offer their assistance, i thank you too...

to quote rick's words: be glad that i have so many frens who care... i am indeed grateful...

Day 6 of Loss Of Hearing (aka Day 4 of Medication)

still no sound on the left ear...

religiously taking meds...

still praying and hoping for the best... everyone at home is "pretending" nothing has happened... life goes on as usual (or dat's what i saw)... good for me too... at least no questioning... hehe...

busy at work as usual... cannot handle crowds, especially during meetings cos when everyone starts to talk at the same time, i have difficulty trying to differentiate the voices and where they are coming from... hahahaha... stopped going out for lunch... heads home after work everyday... no more outings / appointments... life goes on... very differently...

gets tired easily too cos a lot of strain on the mind to either block out the unnecessary noise or to concentrate on what the other party is saying cos the sound level that comes into the brain for processing is reduced...

thanx to everyone for being so patient with me the last few days cos i tend to ask them to repeat cos i cant hear them... and to those sitting to my left, sorri lor... sometimes when u call my name, i cant hear oso...

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cute thing is my left ear nowadays got ringing, buzzing, humming and sometimes, "ding dong ding dong"... strange...

Positive Article on Sudden Hearing Loss

as part of my research on sudden hearing loss and its treatment (as inspired by rick), here's an article on a lady's account of her experience with sudden hearing loss... very encouraging article:

http://www.eduscapes.com/lamb/hearing1.html#top

happy reading...

I Get So Emotional Baby...

someone once asked me how can i ever be so open about my feelings and to share them with the rest of the world by publishing them on my blog...

to me it's like sharing my feelings with a loved one or a closed fren... just that doing it via a blog allows me to share them with more loved ones and more frens at the same time... of course if strangers were to accidentally come across my blog, it's a pleasure if they take the time to read it... afterall, we are strangers who may not have the opportunity to know or meet each other at all... but if by reading my blog and a friendship forms, why not?

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with the recent series of events (good and bad) and the comments, SMSes, MSN chats, etc from friends, colleagues and sometimes strangers, it is very heartwarming to know that they care so much and that i have them to fall back on should anything happen...

rick... forever there for me... too bad i wasn't in the mood to talk today... cos after the medical appointment, i was very tired... and the truth is slowly sinking in too... sorri mate, will definitely call you when i'm ready... in the meantime, let's "meet" on MSN...

melvin offered to bring me to loyang for prayers... and he actually said dat he felt responsible for wat happened to me lately cos since he came into my life, my health has been deteriorating... scolded him for being so silly... everything happens for a reason... i treasure him as a fren cos we felt like old frens tho' we've only met twice and chatted often on MSN... thanx for being a pal...

parry, a total stranger to me, cos we've only "known" each other about a couple of weeks ago and chatted once on MSN (which was a very short one cos it was in the morning and he was rushing off to office) and after reading my blog and knowing what happened to me, offered his company to help me through this difficult time of my life...

treebeard, someone who's intelligence goes way beyond his search for a sugar daddy (cos he's officially unemployed)... i will definitely check out what my insurance policies say...

jensen, good that i have all these wimbledon discussion with you to divert my attention... BUT i still dun think sharapova should win... did u read sunday times? there's something on her grunting... hahahaha... venus all the way!! or clijsters...

steven too... i remembered the last time we met was long ago... at least 9 months ago... but on and off we've been chatting on MSN... he also offered to help wherever he can... told me to voice out if i need anything...

also thanx to Patrick, Jasen, Sarah, Danny, Choon, SL, LK, Huiyen, Jsen, Philip, Ken, Jun...

and to everyone else dat i failed to mention individually (trust me, it wasn't intentional)... i cherish all your concern... all your friendship... and above all, all your love...

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getting all emotional as i'm typing this entry... like i said in my previous blog... dave is bad at handling emotional stuff... he's afterall, a cry baby in his parents' and some closer frens' eyes...

heading back to the office tomorrow... dunno wat to expect... hopefully not too many questions from colleagues... and of course, will try very hard to concentrate and to control my emotions... there will be a lot of pressure from work... will have to balance everything and not to worsen the condition...

i once cried in the office (in my cubicle) after the breakup with my ex... on hindsight, it was quite an embarassment... not very professional... not to say, most unsightly...

Hearing Condition Worsens...

arrived at TTSH to see the ear specialist...

was sent for a basic hearing test (where sounds of different decibels were sent into the ears to test if i'm able to hear them) before meeting the doctor to discuss the situation...

here's wat doc said or recommended or did:
1. my condition is sudden sensorineural hearing loss (please refer to the article below)
2. there could be a viral infection dat's causing the sudden hearing loss cos there has neither been any exposure to loud noise / sound nor traumatic impact on the ear
3. to control the viral infection (if any), he has precribed some medication (namely prednisolone, as stated in the article below; famotidine, to control the gas created by prednisolone)
4. sent me for a MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) to check for tumours, etc
5. follow-up in 2 weeks to see if the medication has worked
6. if MRI results are negative and medication does not work, will go for blood tests
7. eventually, the awful truth of the possibility that the loss may be PERMANENT

here's the link to a simple article on sudden hearing loss. the specialist has also prescribed the same drug for me:
http://www.utmem.edu/otolaryngology/Patients&Public/Ear&BalanceCenter/SuddenHearingLoss.html

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came home and started on the medication... was tired after the entire session today... especially after the sound test and the MRI scan... somehow felt a bit of giddiness cos the humming and buzzing as well as the loud sound from the MRI machine were quite unbearable...

slept for a while... woke up and realised that the situation has worsened... now there's constant ringing in the left ear, which is preventing me from hearing anything else... listened to the earfone for a quick check and indeed, the sound now is near zero as compared to yesterday evening...

well, really not sure wat else to make out of this whole episode... will have to bear with it for the time being and hope that it's not gonna be permanent... gonna be strong and not show any sign of weakness in front of my family cos i know that mum is terribly terribly worried...

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ken was "duh" too... blaming the situation on my clubbing or dancing near the speakers... eh... it's been more than 1 month since i last clubbed... hahahahaha...

treebeard was cute, he said that it's time to check out what my insurance cover is like... hahahahaha...

rick called but i wasn't in the mood to talk then and rejected his call... sorri dude... was asking about the medications doc prescribed... oso too lazy to reply to dat sms... paiseh... hope u r reading dis blog and can see the details...

sarah was totally out of this world cos she only knew about it dis morning when rick told her about it... thought my MSN has broadcasted the hearing loss since saturday?! hahahahaha... but dun worry dear, i'm not angry lah... better late than never...

as for the rest of you who have sent my SMSes and wishing me well, a very big THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart...

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continue to check dis page for the latest update... u know lah... dave is not comfortable talking about certain things... especially something so serious and discomforting...

Slowly But Surely...

as at dis morning 11:30am, my hearing is still the same as at yesterday 6pm... no improvement, but i'm sure it will come back... slowly but surely...

was actually on mobilisation standby dis weekend... hence nothing was planned... and with the loss of hearing, it was perfect timing to stay home... tried to read a bit but couldn't concentrate because of the humming and buzzing in the left ear... decided to watch TV and listen to radio instead...

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was watching wimbledon tennis "live" on tv... great stuff for the match between scot murray and argentinian nalbandian... murray (with the home crowd support) was leading 2 sets up... but at the 3rd, he just lost his concentration and lost the set 0-6. what a score!! from then on, it was mostly nalbandian all the way, much to the detest of the brits... hahahahahaha... murray called for his trainer and medical attention but all was too late... murray simply couldn't get his form back and his energy level was drastically lower than earlier in the match... of course, murray is only 18yo!! inexperience and comparatively lower stamina caused him a place in the fourth round. of course by the fifth set, watching murray play was a pain... he couldn't run for the balls and his expression was one of agony, mostly...

eventually nalbandian prevailed with a 5-set victory 6-7 (4/7) 1-6 6-0 6-4 6-1

well, it was great to see the cocky britons silenced at the end of the match... well done, nalbandian...

of course Andy Roddick was thru...

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on the women's draw, serena williams lost in straight sets 3-6 6-7 (4/7)... if she had won, she would be meeting her sista, venus... alas that was not gonna happen...well, let's hope venus win the title... serena has won the australian open earlier dis year... time for big sista venus to triumph...

Argh... Lost My Hearing On My Left Ear...

sigh... lost my hearing on my left ear... can only hear ringing, buzzing and humming sounds... dunno wat's wrong... happened all of a sudden yesterday afternoon... since cant hear, decided to sleep early... hoping that things will be fine when i wake up 2day... alas... miracles dun happen all the time lor... or do they happen at all?!?!

told mum about it and she insisted that we either go hougang polyclinic or TTSH A&E... told her not to be so worried lah... at least it's only one side (my dark humour at work again)...

went to see the doctor at hougang polyclinic... he used some probe to check both ears... said the eardrums were intact... used the tuning fork to test... right side got humming sound... left side totally NOTHING... jialat sia... doc couldn't give any further diagnosis... APA INI?!?! oso not prescribing any medication cos referring me to the Ear, Nose and Throat specialist at TTSH... medications may just complicate things... wat is dat????? expect me to not have stereo sound for 2 days!!!!! crazy sia... but then again, it's the polyclinic, cheap cheap, diagnosis oso cheap cheap lor...

treebeard messaged me cos we agreed to go clubbing tonite... told him i dun have stereo sound, wont enjoy lor... only now then i realised how different life is with only one side of hearing... listening to radio, watching TV or even talking to someone is not the same at all...

was chatting with Melvin on MSN... told him wat happened cos he SMSed me yest nite to jio me for mahjong... joked dat with left side not hearing anything, i wont hear wat my left player says... "pong", "gong", "game" is blank to me and i will just go on and take my tile... and then kenna dio pa... hahahaha...

as at dis evening 6pm, a bit of sound is audible... hopefully the condition will continue to improve...

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treebeard called to ask how i'm doing... updated him on the latest... we're discussing about how come so many things happened lately... high fever for one week... IBS the next... and now hearing loss... wat next... he even said it's a sign of ageing... @#$%^&*... hahahahahaha...

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gonna stay home for the weekend to rest lor... wait until monday and see wat the specialist has to say... will continue to update my condition here...

IBS Article on ST's mindyourbody

just when i was mentioning about my IBS (i.e. irritable bowel syndrome) on my blog yesterday, there's a 3-page article about IBS on today's Straights Times' mind your body supplement. go read it if you have the supplement... quite informative...

for those who wanna find out more about IBS, u can also log on to the following website: http://www.ibs-support.com.sg

IBS...

it's been a long time since i last had IBS (i.e. Irritable Bowel Syndrome)... somehow it came today... maybe it's the building up of the pressure in the office... tonnes of things to clear due to the Monetary Authority of Singapore (MAS)'s inspection report... just gotta hang on to it for a while longer lah cos the whole thing should end by early August... after that i should be in Internal Audit... hahahahaha...

i'm sick and tired of the MAS stuff!!!!! it's been 4 months now!!!!!

Father's Day

Today's Father's Day...

Was in Melvin's car, on the way to his friend's place for mahjong, yesterday nite... He and Ah Beng were talking about where to bring their fathers to dinner on Father's Day... I was silent the entire journey...

My family does not celebrate Father's Day... or rather we don't go out for dinners on such occasions... (Mother's Day included)... Instead, I'll get something for my parents on these two special days... Dinners are reserved for birthdays...

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A small tribute to my dad here. Daddy has always been very stern and strict with us... To the extent that we hated him sometimes... although we all know that he meant good... Remembered once when I shouted at dad in his face due to some unhappiness... That was the only time I actually confronted him... It was a terrible feeling... But I felt that that particular incident brought us closer together... cos it set us thinking about what we have been doing all this time...

Last year, dad sent me an SMS to wish me happy birthday... it came as a pleasant surprise... and that's just us: there are things we don't say face-to-face but deep down inside us, we all know that we love each other... it's just that we are not comfortable expressing them openly (for whatever reasons)... the form doesn't really matter... it's the substance that's important...

Dad, Happy Father's Day...

Love,
Your son, Dave

Bittersweet...

Something that I wrote on 4 October 2004:

Been very moody lately... Not sure why... Maybe because of love, or lack thereof... Hehe... Recalled this incident with a lady friend:

Me: What is love? How does it feel like?

Lady friend: Love is something that is bittersweet.

Me: Oh...

Lady friend: More bitter than sweet...

Me: ... ... ...

Stay Or Not To Stay...

15 June 5:30pm - met the director to convey my reply to her... i will stay on and take over the IA portfolio... shared with her my concerns and we'll try to work out everything in the long run...

one thing i couldn't and didn't do was to ask for a pay raise... it's just not me... anyway, we'll see what happens when i get my annual increment in July... maybe things will change and i may tender again if they give me a pathetically meagre amount...

as it is, i'm taking this as an opportunity to grow myself professionally... i've never led a team... and to start an IA Department is no easy feat... hopefully i'll be able to make it...

at the same time, it's my sense of responsibility to my colleagues and those who look upon me as their boss all along not to leave them in the lurge...

thanx to some people who provided invaluable comments and shared their views with me, namely Sarah, Roger and Melvin...

as for pursuing my dream... i will still do it... signed up for some workshop in july and will see how things go from there... keeping my fingers crossed to be BOTH successful professionally as well as leisurely...

Resign Also So Difficult...

30 May 3pm - tendered my resignation...

30 May 6pm - went in to inform the HR gal that i have tendered my resignation but boss is holding back the letter...

30 May 8pm - boss tried to talk me out of the resignation... offered me the possibility of taking over and heading the Internal Audit (IA) team... told her my decision to quit was not an easy one and was after much consideration... she insisted that i spent some time to think it over...

3 June 3pm - director talked to me about taking over and heading the IA team as well... she didn't know about my resignation cos boss held back my letter...

6 June onwards - boss on leave... in Perth with family...

6 June to 10 June - i was ill (please see previous blog entry)...

13 June 3pm - director heard about my resignation... expressed shock and disbelief... asked me to reconsider the decision... continued to offer me the IA Manager position... me stuck... confused... disturbed... told her i need some time to think about it... will get back to her on Wed...

13 June 10pm - chatting with Melvin about my dilemma... he offered his point of view but maintained that the decision would still be mine...

14 June - discussed with Roger and Sarah online... Sarah encouraged me to give it a try... Roger said that it is a good opportunity but insisted that i ask for a pay raise... so typical of him... but he has a point lah... i said that i live within my means... he bombarded with "you should think about increasing your means"... hahahahahaha...

Recovering...

I have been ill the whole of last week. Started with fever on Sunday, 5 Jun, afternoon. Went to see doc on Monday morning and was given medical leave to rest. By Monday night, fever climbed to 39.5 deg C. Parents drove me to TTSH A&E and noted that the wait was gonna be 4 hours. Detoured back to Hougang 24h clinic for an injection and more medication. Doc was unable to tell wat was causing the fever cos there's no sore throat, no cough and no sign of any infection (possibly internal?). Got medical leave to rest at home on Tuesday.

By Wednesday, fever was still hovering around 38 to 39 deg C. Parents got worried. Dad commented that it could be some chinese condition called "mor dang". Mum rubbed a hardboiled egg over my body. The yolk had some hairy stuff, confirming it's "mor dang". Parents then drove me to a chinese sinseh for consultation. Was given another 2 days of medical leave to rest.

By Thursday morning, chest started to ache everytime I eat, drink or take a deep breath. Went into the office, thinking that I will be able to function. Ended up leaving the office at around 12pm. Went home to rest. By Friday, the chest pain was getting worse and mum brought me to the polyclinic, thinking of getting a chest X-ray. Doc explained that it should be heartburn. Gave me medicine and medical leave to rest at home. The weekend went by peacefully, consuming pills after pills.

Today, the chest felt better. Decided to cancel my leave and come into the office. Missed out on a whole week. Tonnes of catching up to do.

But then again, I'll be on leave from this Friday, 17 June, to next Thursday, 23 June...

Hahahahahahahahaha...